Oh the sleepless nights

The first few weeks were misleading and we managed to get 2 sets of 3 - 4 hour sleeps, however in the third and fourth week we barely got any sleep at all.

So what changed, well firstly her feeding. She went into what they call cluster feeding which is where they eat constantly and as if they have never been fed. This is to make the mother produce more milk in readiness for a growth spurt.

This feeding frenzy has several repercussion, firstly you will be up all night feeding and secondly when you do put her down she will have a shit load of gas. For us this meant as soon as she was lying flat she would groan and crunch her limbs up.

We have found several things to help the gas (and therefore you can get some sleep)

1) sit her up straight and rub her back

2) you tube burping a baby

3) slowly rub the stomach clockwise

4) take her for a walk in the pram or drive in he car (vibrations seem to settle the stomach)

5) swaddle the baby (we un swaddle after 10 mins due to scare of SIDS)

And yes a 12hr feeding frenzy is apparently normal

Baby Sick

One big surprise is the amount of time my baby is sick. This happens after every feed with most of it being excess milk as she has stuffed her face until she cant eat no more, and still continues.

Sometimes it is actual vomit which smells different and often leaves squares of what looks like curdled milk

Once she has been sick everything is ok and she will often go to sleep. I have been advised this is normal, especially around a growth spirt (note when on a growth spirt they feed every 30 minutes or so)

So what does this mean for you as a parent:

Firstly buy allot of muslin cloths, vests and sleep suits as you will be constantly mopping up sick, poo and wee (sometimes all together).

Secondly buy some more t shirts for yourself as sick, poo and even wee travels further than you would think

Thirdly buy lots of detergent (non bio of course) as your washing machine will never be off

Register for child benefits as even though its only £20 a week, every little helps

Moments that take your breath away

Apart from those moments of sheer panic (which occur often, for example I moved the baby upstairs whilst cutting onions as I panicked it would be too much for her eyes) you also get the moments of sheer joy and these have brought me to tears which for me is very unusual (the words missing heart have often been used)

I am not talking heavy crying in the corner type tears but a overwhelming sense of joy which makes your eyes teary

I have come quite fond of these moments as no matter what other problems I have going on at that moment all I can think about is her and how happy I am and as long as she is ok and healthy then everything will be ok  

These moments are over as quick as they began so embrace them and realise how lucky you are to be a father

Don't forget the wife

Its hard to not simply think about the baby all the time but its very important to remember about your partner. She has just given birth (with or without complications). As well as he physical trauma here is the mental realisation that she is the main person who will be responsible for the upbringing of the baby over the next 10 months (by this I don't mean don't help, its just my help will be limited to evenings and weekends as I have to return to work as well as she is he only one who can feed her at the moment)

As a loving husband / partner make sure shehas everything she needs i.e:

- Make sure she gets some exercise everyday to promote healing 

- get her some natural nipple cream

- make her meals as she is doing the same for the baby

- get some Bodedas (promotes healing in a bath)

- during the day take the lead in changing nappies, she will return the favour during the night

- if she asks for something, do it (no matter what it is)

- make sure you spend some time with her and show her some affection (this in no way means sex, remember what she has just pushed out of her body)

- try and introduce some normality (let her watch Britains got talent or let her do a hobby for an hour)

Visitors

Everyone wants to see the new baby and this in theory is great, however we found it quite exhausting.

Our initial idea was to stagger the visits to keep numbers down but this means everyday you have visitors, just not in great numbers. 

In the first week on a usual day it would take us until 1 or 2 pm to get downstairs (after several feeds, nappy changes and a bath). Visitors would come after this and often the baby would be asleep. The baby might wake up at some point which is nice for visitors but often she would immediately need feeding (frustrating for visitors as my wife and daughter disappear upstairs)

Visitors would usually leave at around or after tea time after seeing the baby and then me and the wife would spend time feeding and changing the baby before spending a little time with her whilst she is awake

When she goes back to sleep at 7 ish we can grab some tea and have a few hours before she wants feeding again and the night routine starts

Now for us this repeated everyday for a week so you never get anytime to either nap (due to no sleep) or maintain the house (clean, shop etc) and we ended up asking visitors to chip in

When we did finally get a free day we did not know what to do withour selves and sitting down and watching tv made us feel guilty

Visitors are great and its amazing to see everyone enjoying the new baby, however my advise is be firm with visitors (I don't mean shun them away but set some rules and expectations) and have a day off every few days to recover. Also ask them to help out with the daily chores as most will gladly help you out

Even more presents

You get allot of presents before the baby arrives and surprisingly this continues afterwards from nappies and hampers to cakes and cookies

It even gets to the point were its like a competition. One day I got 30 cupcakes and some cake pops of one relative, posted this on facebook and the next day I have a 12" home made cookie from another relative

I am not complaining in any sense of be word, I am simply overwhelmed at how generous people get towards the new orn baby

My advise enjoy this while it lasts as you will be skint for years to come :)

The first few days

Ok the first few days are so strange

Firstly its overwealming that you mow have to look after something 24/7 7 days a week

Secondly you will see if the baby is alright when they make any noise or if they make none at all

Thirdly your now on your own so doing everything for the first time is scary. It took us 3 days to build up the courage for a bath and 5 days to take the pram out for a spin

It gets easier quite quickly, I dont worry about her sounds or picking her up and I am confident to give her a bath or change a nappy on my own

My advise is just dig in and also set daily objectives like on day 2 give your baby a bath. This way by the end of he first week you will have conquered allot of fears

The right temperature

So its the first night home and we have an egg thermometer. This tells you the temperaure and glows a certain color: red for too hot, orange for too warm, yellow for ideal temperature and blue for too cold.

We got a leaflet about what to dress the baby in at certain temperatures, for example above 21 degrees you have a sleep suit, vest and sheet only.

The first night was a warn 23 degrees so we decided to leave the window open. It dropped to 19 in the bedroom which made me freezing but according to the sheet it was 1 blanket extra only. After about an hour our baby actually shivered so we scrapped the guide and wrapped her up

The next day we asked the midwife and the advise was golden, basically use your common sense. They always sleep in a vest and sleepsuit and these are like your pijamas. Now if your comfortable in bed with a blanket, she will so put a blanket on her. If its warm and you dont want you blanket put just a sheet and if your cold add a layer.

You can also feel the babies chest (not limbs or head) and if she is sweating / really hot then remove layers, if she is cold add layers

Also remember you baby will tell you if they are uncomfortable

After care

No one really tells you what happens in the hospital. I thought that you would go on, have the baby and be out in a few hours and even with my wifes complications I thought one night.

The truth is you will be in a minimum of 1 night and you know what its worth it. You get good food (3 courses at lunch and dinner), you have midwifes at the touch of a button, you're with mothers in the same situation and you learn allot.

My wife wanted to breast feed so they said they could only discharge her once her tests were cleared and she had done 3 or 4 successful feeds on her own.

I must saythe level of care she got from the birth to the following few days exceeded my expecrations and I still ring the ward (as its 24/7) if I have any queries

My advice here is dont think you have to be home straight away, enjoy the support and learn the basic as it will make your home life allot easier

OMG I want to break my phone

One of the most stressfull things about the birth is that everyone wants to communicate with you, from saying congratulations to wanting an update or scheduling a visit

Now over the few days when my wife went into labour to being disharged I must have had a few hundred txt and I spent alot of time replying rather than enjoying the moments

Note if you're going to update people do it with enough information. I told people the baby was born and that my wife had complications which made everyone worry, my next update was 6 hours later which made people worry for too long.

My advise is send out a bulk update but be thorough, then turn off your phone and only use it several times a day and dont worry about replying to congratulations messages

My phone now is permanently on silent and I check it 4 or 5 times a day so I can simply enjoy the moments

Rounds with mike Tyson

I had written a long post on the birth of my daughter however I think I will leave it un posted. I certainly don't want to scare new parents and the post might do just that as it was my thoughts at the time.

In hind sight it was a good birth, and it gave me my wonderful daughter however one thing that took me by surprise was how different the baby looked to what I expected.

Firstly the baby was very swolen and looked like a fat baby (which I guess she was). The second is she was a bit battered and bruised to the point she looked like she had done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.

You will love your baby with all of your being, however I was glad after a few days when the swelling had gone down and the baby lost some weight and thus looked like what I expected a baby to look like.

I may be biased but to me she is a beautiful baby

The lead up

Hi

Again a little while since my last post but things generally slow down in the third trimester to the point were you sometimes forget your having a baby

My wife in the last few weeks (36 plus) has become really tired again and can only waddle for around 20 minutes before needing a long rest. Most my days are spend making sure she is ok and tidying up. Often I would come in from work and all that was in the cupboard was sweets and she developed more of a sweet tooth (obviously)

Most the stuff is prepared, we need to pack the overnight bag, get some last things from Mothercare and were ready.....ish

My wife is starting to panic about the birth but is also getting excited for the little one arriving 

Ps we are still thinking on a name